This weekend, two things happened that made me want to write the post that follows:
1) My other half showed me the immense transformation of this guy on fitocracy. Seriously impressive work!
2) I weighed myself and got a bit of a shock
Weight is such a sensitive subject for people with a digestive disease (or any chronic health problem). I’m instantly defensive when it gets mentioned. Drugs can make us balloon – I have some awful photographic evidence of me on steroids. Relapses can make us lose weight like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve weighed less than 8 stone without trying to lose a pound.
I’m weighed whenever I see a Doctor and if I’m honest, it makes me a bit paranoid. The first time I was really really poorly, I had no idea how sick I actually was. I knew I wasn’t well, I’d dropped a stone and a half without even noticing it, but I felt that I was coping at home. My Mum on the other hand had actually thought about what she would say at my funeral! Had I not have gone in to hospital to be looked after, things would have started shutting down and I’d have been in serious danger. The moral of that story is that sometimes the scales can tell me something is wrong before I really recognise the situation.
All in all, I think I’ve developed a love/hate relationship with food that is at times an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it is the devil! Who would want to eat if you threw up everything that went in your mouth? If you’re steeped in nausea, there’s nothing worse than the idea of a burger and having thrown up almost everyday for 4 years, I know it won’t taste nice the second time around!
On the other hand, if I have a day when I can actually eat, food is my best friend. In that moment, I appreciate food more than I ever imagined possible. I savour every single bite. Me and that burger have an epic love affair that lasts as long as I can make it.
What I want to leave you with is that sometimes for people with health problems, weight change isn’t down to choice. I have to work hard at maintaining my weight and even harder to gain some back after a bad patch. Someone once told me that made me “lucky” but I’m sure they’d take that back pretty quickly if we did a swap. See the thing is, I don’t want to be skinny, that isn’t a sign of health to me, I want to be strong!
Tattooed Tealady says
I think this was both a very brave, and very important post. Although my weight and size isn’t down to an illness or disease, I think all too often people forget that it is for a lot of people. It’s so easy to look at someone and judge them on appearances, without actually having any idea. xo
Vicki Higham says
Thank you Sophia. It’s a shame this post has already been misconstrued as something else by the dreaded “anon”. x
Rachael Weaver says
Thank you for sharing Vicki.. you inspire me with your strength xx
Sarah Bradley says
I don’t know how you do it Vicki. Many many people would not be as positive as you, probably me included in that. As I know you, I know you have an illness and ‘anon’ folk who comment and say otherwise really ought to get their facts right and leave you alone x
Vicki Higham says
I don’t know how I cope with it, sometimes I don’t but I guess I don’t have a choice. I’ve made it so that anonymous comments have to be moderated now, won’t be having that again. It’s amazing what people think they can get away with saying on the internet when they’d never dare say it face to face! X
MRMweb says
I have the reverse issue to you, i gain weight due to enforced inactivity, people just assume i eat pies and am a lazy arse :), maintained around 13st for 5yrs, not great when your 5″6″ with 180+ BP, we do our best Vicky, and stuff anyone who thinks otherwise 🙂
Vicki Higham says
People forget it works both ways don’t they?! I have friends that struggle to keep weight off because of hormone problems and some that are in too much pain to lead an active life. Crikey my blood pressure is always too low so that sounds outrageously high to me! Do you have to have medication to lower it?x
MRMweb says
Linisapril, having zero effect thus far, due down the surgery in 30 mins to review meds and obtain cert, we’ll see 🙂
Sarah Boyd says
I can relate to this post so much, I am glad you have posted it. I have always been very slim and I have never weighed more than 7 stone (I eat perfectly well, it is just my natural build). However since being diagnosed with RA and taking steroids, I have gained half a stone. People are constantly telling me not to worry about it and that I can afford to gain weight with being so slim, but thats not the point!
It’s like you say it isnt down to choice and there is nothing we can do about it, people dont realise how lucky they are to have a form of control over their weight x
Vicki Higham says
Exactly Sarah! Steroids are nasty things, I wasn’t happy at all whilst I was on them. Mainly because the weight gain wasn’t like normal weight gain, it was all on my face!
If you ever want to meet up for a coffee or anything let me know, it would be nice to know someone else that is dealing with health problems. xx