This weekend, two things happened that made me want to write the post that follows:
1) My other half showed me the immense transformation of this guy on fitocracy. Seriously impressive work!
2) I weighed myself and got a bit of a shock
Weight is such a sensitive subject for people with a digestive disease (or any chronic health problem). I’m instantly defensive when it gets mentioned. Drugs can make us balloon – I have some awful photographic evidence of me on steroids. Relapses can make us lose weight like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve weighed less than 8 stone without trying to lose a pound.
I’m weighed whenever I see a Doctor and if I’m honest, it makes me a bit paranoid. The first time I was really really poorly, I had no idea how sick I actually was. I knew I wasn’t well, I’d dropped a stone and a half without even noticing it, but I felt that I was coping at home. My Mum on the other hand had actually thought about what she would say at my funeral! Had I not have gone in to hospital to be looked after, things would have started shutting down and I’d have been in serious danger. The moral of that story is that sometimes the scales can tell me something is wrong before I really recognise the situation.
All in all, I think I’ve developed a love/hate relationship with food that is at times an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it is the devil! Who would want to eat if you threw up everything that went in your mouth? If you’re steeped in nausea, there’s nothing worse than the idea of a burger and having thrown up almost everyday for 4 years, I know it won’t taste nice the second time around!
On the other hand, if I have a day when I can actually eat, food is my best friend. In that moment, I appreciate food more than I ever imagined possible. I savour every single bite. Me and that burger have an epic love affair that lasts as long as I can make it.
What I want to leave you with is that sometimes for people with health problems, weight change isn’t down to choice. I have to work hard at maintaining my weight and even harder to gain some back after a bad patch. Someone once told me that made me “lucky” but I’m sure they’d take that back pretty quickly if we did a swap. See the thing is, I don’t want to be skinny, that isn’t a sign of health to me, I want to be strong!
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